You left, but you did not leave me.

Tell me, did you miss me while you went to find yourself?

Or maybe, the better question is, did I miss you?

These past two days have been good for us, I think. I’ve had time to think and think about us and the future. I realize that I’m not heartbroken over the space. I’m not missing you anymore or any less that I always do. It sounds a bit negative, but it’s not. A year ago, I would have left you, thinking that I should always need you; I had to want you to the point where I couldn’t let go. You would’ve had to hold my hand through the process of the grief that I would have felt from you leaving. Not anymore.

You’ve changed me, and I think that me not needing you by my side all the time is a good improvement. I’m not falling out of love with you, I’m just more independent now. I have things to do to occupy the time I’m not with you. I can trust that I won’t need you to babysit my feelings or hold my proverbial tissue box. It’s been eyeopening or even awakening. Maybe I’m less of the sentimental guy you’ve always despised and a little more apathetic. I can’t tell yet if this is a good or bad thing.

Here’s the moment it gets poetic and I tell you that the sky didn’t seem as blue while you were gone. The earth spun a bit slower, flowers wilted, and to be honest, food didn’t taste as good. Music lost its rhythm and conversation became more superficial. For the past two days, life lost its spark, its vibrancy. You were always that extra kick in life that made it all worth it. Perhaps I was just momentarily blinded by the flashing lights of what’s to come in the near future. Forgive me, I’ve lost sight of what I’ve wanted.

Looking back at yesterday morning, you left but you did not leave me, and perhaps that has made all the difference.

(Source: drewtrinnh)