I’M DONE WITH FINALS LET’S GET FUCKING WEIRDDDDDD~

I’ve found my happiness.

I used to think my happiness was derived from being in relationships, from the moments that gave you unfamiliar butterflies to the treasure that was a soul to learn and grow from.

But perhaps all I really wanted was simply to be loved.

And I would like to think I’ve found this love elsewhere, in my friends and the people I’ve come to surround myself with. From the grounded bonds I formed at orientation to the relationships that built up over spontaneous midnight adventures to the ones that materialized just because we were a “family” to the surprising friendships that sprouted in the three days I lived in the library pulling consecutive all-nighters. At every turn I seem to find more support and encouragement than I could ever have imagined possible. 

People surprise you in the most pleasant ways. Generosity, commitment, selfless love; I’ve found a home and people to share it with. Looking back on my first year as a college kid, I firmly believe that through all the dining hall swipes, finals care packages, and one-on-one talks, the greatest gift I received was the blessing of having these people in my life.

Truly, these people are the treasures of my first year. They are the living momentos that describe a time when being loved was something I didn’t have to wish for.

(Source: drewtrinnh)

Anonymous asked: Will you two possibly get back together in the future or are you just friends now?

At the moment we’re just friends. I don’t know where I’m going or who I’ll be in the near future just yet. Time to do some soulsearching. Time to do me. The future has many open doors, but we’ll see where I’ll go.

Anonymous asked: you make me doubt long distance relationships.

Well I’m not going to sit around and lie to you by saying that they’re easy. Because they’re not. I’m not saying they can’t work, I’m just saying that for me right now, it’s not something I can handle. For the past two years I’ve always felt a little emptier when I knew exactly how far she was from me. It’s not for everyone, and right now it ain’t for me.

There was a time when I thought I knew what I wanted.

I had it all planned out. The girl, the dates, everything was inscribed on the underside of my eyelids so that every time I blinked I would never lose sight of everything I thought I wanted.

And then she came along and I was happier than I had ever hoped to be. I never closed my eyes; one, because there was no reason to look for something that was right in front of me, and two, because I thought that if I even looked away for a second, she’d disappear like the ephemerality of morning fog. But she didn’t, and I found myself sinking deeper and deeper into the cracks of her heart. I spackled and plastered the walls around her love until she could finally feel safe to open her door for me. And I worked hard to make sure I wouldn’t be the one to bulldoze it all down.

But life happened. Somewhere in the midst of it all, I lost the key she gave me. I changed in ways I never could have seen. The distance felt farther, I felt lonelier, and I guess I just lost interest in it all.

It wasn’t her fault. She tried her best to invite me back in, but I was too scared. I was too afraid that we would stop growing together and routine would set in. I took her love for granted.

I messed up. I hurt her in more ways than I knew, and I doubt I’ll ever forgive myself for that, even if she already has. And so that’s how that chapter ended.

But you move on, and you try to do better. Somewhere along the way, I lost myself, and I think that’s what I’m trying to get back now. A sense of worth and belonging. I’m soul searching on mountains and valleys. Looking for the part of me that left. I need to feel like I fit this mind and body. I want to explore the avenues I’ve ignored and break the shell I’ve been cowering in. There’s something inside of me that knows I can do better. I can pick myself up off the ground and I can stand tall knowing that tomorrow will always be brighter.

There may be clouds, but there will always be light.

(Source: drewtrinnh)

Let’s see if I can find the words I lost. Let’s see where this takes us. Inspiration takes the shape of anything and everything. Let’s see where we’ll go from here.

Ladies and gentlemen, I’m back.

Abuse me with your words and I will take it. I know the pain and the disbelief and the frustration. I understand it and I wouldn’t expect anything less. But somehow part of me thought that it would be different. I’m doing my best to not show that I’m hurting too. I’m trying to be strong because I know what I gave up on was good. But it’s time for me to also realize that love isn’t everything anymore. I used to think it was the key to life, but now I understand that if you don’t know where you’re going in life, if you don’t know who you are, you can’t share that with anyone and it would be wasteful to have someone wait on you while you figured it out. I made a decision on behalf of the both of us - one you didn’t want to take. I get that. But I also didn’t think you’d call our love fake and counterfeit. Sure you can keep that thought in your head, but don’t for one second think that your love was better or more pure than mine. If you truly loved me, you would understand my position. If you truly loved me you would want me to find happiness, even if it meant letting me go. But that’s probably too much to have hoped for. I truly loved you. I wanted you to find your own happiness because I knew that you weren’t finding that with me. I set you down in the ocean because I knew my aquarium was stifling your growth; it was uncomfortable and suffocating. And I couldn’t give you what you needed. I hope one day you’ll look back and see us in a better light. I hope you see the good in me one day, like you used to. And I hope I could perhaps have my best friend back.

Peer pressuredddd